Dear Whole30, I hate your stinking guts.
Your day 5 detox ranks right up there with a root canal.
You made me fat. And let me tell you, I like you ABOUT as much as I like the fat rolls on my belly.
Granted, the entire bottle of Whole30 approved Ranch dressing per day habit probably didn’t help said fat rolls.
But, Tessemaes, you’re welcome for the boost in sales.
Also, I’m pretty sure I need a sweet potato detox at this point. #NoSweetPotatoesfor30…who’s with me?
Fake “Whole30 Fried Chicken”, I hope you get hit crossing the road…
Of course, I did sleep like a baby.
But can you imagine dealing with a toddler and a 10 month old, without wine? I would rather be sleep deprived and sane each night.
Dear Servers of Birmingham, we are sorry for all of our annoying requests.
Yes, we realize a Croque Madame without cheese and bread sounds as ridiculous at the Whole30.
How can my ONLY SAVING GRACE aka RXBars issue a recall in the middle of Whole30?
Granted, I am pretty sure consuming a bar after dinner, aka as a dessert, is probably cheating.
Speaking of cheating…
How many times per week did my husband remind me that I had 3 cocktails one night during Whole30?
We will leave his methods of cheating out of this…for now.
Oh, kids, what do you mean zoodles aren’t real noodles? If you want ice cream, you will eat them.
And give mama a tiny bite of ice cream, while you’re at it.
Shake Shack, you are da real MVP!
Your delicious, vegetarian fed, humanely raised, source verified, 100% all-natural Angus beef got me through most weeks.
Dear Whole30, while you did give me amazing sleep, lot’s of energy, and that pregnancy glow, I miss my bourbon sour.
And my chips. And my social life. While I don’t plan on seeing you ever again, I’m sure you will suck me in again next January, just like that guy in college I knew I shouldn’t date.
After 4 tough battles with Whole30, I feel like we are pretty much Whole30 experts around here at Life Lutzurious. Of course, you should follow me on Instagram to witness my reemergence into a social life, more hilarious diet battles (is that you Keto), and the ongoing war blissful life with a toddler and an infant. You can always count on cocktails, tons of #foodpics (future food blogger perhaps?), and of course all the fashion. For more Whole30 resources, I have an entire Whole30 dropdown dedicated to this amazing diet healthy lifestyle. My girls Heather from My Life Well Loved, Molly from Stilettos and Diapers, and Jess from Happily Hughes are tons of fun and provide some amazing content as well.
If you are totally feeling like me after Whole30, please share this post across social and PIN IT to your damn healthy living board, why dontcha? And in celebration of us completing our misery, how about a fun giveaway?? ENTER BELOW. Love ya, mean it…and CHEERS for goodness sakes!
